The Adventures of Sassy Gay Cas and Co
by Scoobert0
Summary: An unusual spell works its way into Heaven, causing fashion senses and sass to flourish amongst the Heavenly Host. And lucky Dean ends up with three fabulous angels of the Lord on his hands one night. Prepare to puke rainbows. Pre-slash.


**AN: **Hey, look at this, a new fic! This sucker has been around for months and has had so many restarts and makeovers I'm suprised I ever bothered to finished it. Anyways, it's done now and that's all that matters. Not sure what originally prompted me to write this, but who cares, it's brilliant, trust me! In other news, this is a rather lame AN. I'm going to blame it on the fact I decided to start taking my meds once again.

Oh yeah, Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Can't wait to get me some good ol' pumpkin pie later today. :)

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing! Which is very unfortunate, really, it is. I would pay money to see Misha play Cas like this.

**Warning:** Un-beta'd, as per usual, also I was too tired to do a proper last read through, so apologize for any grammar/ spelling/ formatting mistakes.

* * *

><p>Dean awoke to the sound of shuffling feet, murmured voices and giggles. Giggles. What the ever loving fuck was going on here?<p>

He knew for a fact that it couldn't be Sam, the soulless bastard left hours ago saying he wouldn't be back till morning. So with practiced precision, Dean drew his knife from under his pillow, flicked the bedside light on and threw off the covers on his bed all at once. Taking a second to adjust to the overly bright room, he became frozen to the spot where he stood while staring at the sight before him. Slowly he lowered his raised weapon and said the first thing that came to mind in his sleep addled brain.

"What. The. Fuck."

Castiel and Balthazar turned to face the hunter in unison. He noted that it was his bag that was behind them, his clothes strewn about carelessly. Not that he was even paying attention to that, seeing as the angels took up his whole focus. He really had no Idea what to make of what he was seeing.

Balthazar was, well, Balthazar; apart from the lower cut than usual V-neck and… was that eyeliner and mascara around his eyes? Dean wasn't even going to think about that.

Cas on the other hand though, well, obviously something was very wrong there. Gone was the trench coat, suit and blue tie Dean was so familiar with. Instead, the angel was wearing skin tight skinny jeans that were cut low across his hips and a too tight black tee which had a rainbow unicorn screen printed on it. To top it all off, he even had an obnoxiously bright blue scarf wrapped around his neck. His hair was slicked over to the side in the front while the rest of his hair was spiked up in every direction. And Dean was pretty sure there was some glitter on his face.

The hunter tried to form words, but there were honestly none he could come up with to describe the fuckery he was seeing.

"Someone drugged me, that's the only explanation." He grumbled to himself, tossing the knife onto the bed and scrubbing at his face with both hands. Peeking between his fingers, he was disappointed to see that the awkward angels were still standing where he last saw them.

"You stupid bitch, nobody drugged your fine ass." An uncharacteristic lisp entwined itself with a familiar gravelly voice. Dean once again stared in disbelief at Castiel. The angel leveled him with an unhappy look, full lips pursed slightly as he crossed his arms and jutted his left hip out to the side, "Shut-up, I'm fabulous." With a flick of his wrist, one of the ends of the scarf was flung over the opposite shoulder from which it hung.

"Wha-? I didn't say anything!"

"You were so gonna."

"I-I can't handle you talking like this dude. Balthazar, what the fuck is going on here?" Pleaded Dean, turning to the other angel.

"Well, I'm pretty sure you remember how you all stupidly took down that skanky ass witch bitch earlier today? Yeah, well, apparently she was able to cast one last spell, which just so happened to hit Cassie here." Balthazar's tone was full of sass, "Anyways, this is the result. And it apparently rubs off on other angels, which this silly bitch here didn't realize. So now half of Heaven is acting all…"

"Gay?" Supplied Dean coarsely.

"Exactly." Confirmed Balthazar with a little nod/shrug action. A martini glass filled with a pink substance appeared in his hand, "I'm going to leave you two girls at it for a bit to go pick up those clothes you wanted Cassie."

"Ok, sounds good. Kisses!" Castiel said in farewell, pecking the taller angel on the cheek before he disappeared.

Dean shifted uncomfortably; he was not at all ok with being left alone with this new Cas.

"So, uh, why were you guys going through my stuff?" He broached the silence, trying to figure out a way to get Cas to stop looking at him the way he was.

"You're kidding, right?" Cas asked in disbelief, he continued on before Dean could actually say anything, "Excuse me, but have you seen your wardrobe? Gurl please! You are in such desperate need for a makeover it isn't even funny. Balthy is off picking up some stuff I want you to try out. By the time we're through with you, you are going to be fabuloooooous!"

"No."

"Excuse me?"

"I said no Cas. No fucking way. I like my clothes just fine, thank you very much." Dean grated out, it was only a matter of time before he punched this Cas in the face now.

"Oh, and you think you have any say in this? I think not. I am a fabulous angel of the Lord, bitch, just try and stop me." Threatened Cas, though with the lisp and flashy hand waving, it couldn't be taken seriously.

"Whatever dude." Dean glanced at the clock on the nightstand, "I'm going out for a drink while there's still time." He made his way over to his scattered clothes and put on a pair of pants before pulling on an over shirt. As he turned to face the door, Cas was suddenly standing in his way.

"What, what, what are you doing?" He demanded. The annoyance in his voice was enough to give Dean pause.

"Going for a drink while you stay here." Dean growled, trying to maneuver around the angel.

"Oh no you don't mister." Seemingly without movement, Dean found himself seated on his bed with Cas standing directly in front of him, "You're gonna sit that pretty little ass of yours right here and wait for Balthy to get back. And if you really need a drink that bad, take this." A pink tinted drink with an umbrella and curly straw in it was thrust into the hunter's hands.

"You seriously expect me to drink this?" Dean asked, offended by being offered such a girly drink.

"You stupid bitch, you realize that rail mixers have a higher alcohol content than beer, right? The more you drink the drunker you'll be by the time Balthy gets back. And the better chance I have at taping dat ass." Cas mumbled the last part around the lip of the drink that had appeared in his hand.

"What was that last part?" Dean asked worriedly after taking a tentative sip from the drink that'd been forced upon him. He had to admit that it didn't taste half bad.

"Nothing, nothing." Cas reassured, moving to sit across from his hunter, crossing a leg over the opposite knee, "So Dean, anything exciting happen since this afternoon? That was all a bit crazy, right? I mean did you see that ugly bitch's house? It was _horrible_. Skank could have really used an interior decorator."

"Uh, wasn't really paying attention to the witch's house dude, especially with her nailing you with that curse the way she did. Kinda had us, me, worried. Cause you know robo Sam doesn't really give a fuck about that kind of shit." Dean explained quickly, finishing off his drink. He startled when the glass in his hand suddenly morphed its shape and automatically filled itself with a different colored drink. With a sigh, he started drinking it. Cas had a point after all, the more he drank, the drunker he'd be by the time Balthazar got back cause there was obviously no way he was going to be able to get around Cas to get away. He could only hope that Sam came back soon from whatever it was he was doing tonight to save him from whatever the two sassy gay angels had in store for him.

"And then, and then he was all like 'calm yo tits bros, I got this!' Just before Goliath smacked his bitch ass. David was such a stupid bitch. It took him three times of getting his ass kicked before he finally decided to cheat and used the slingshot." Cas giggled as he told the story to Dean. The hunter was beginning to reach the far side of drunk and snorted. He downed the rest of his current drink and lay back on his bed.

"Cas man, I think this new you is starting to grow on me." He slurred lightly, a goofy grin on his face. A mischievous grin spread on Cas' face a moment before he flopped on the bed next to Dean, who jumped slightly at the sudden closeness.

"I am so glad!" The angel chirped happily. The two just lay next to each other, staring, for several minutes. Slowly, Cas' face crept closer to Deans and Dean found himself mimicking the motion. When their lips were barely an inch apart, the motel room door slammed open, causing both of them to bolt upright, nearly head butting each other on the way up.

"Mush, moose!" A hauntingly familiar voice chortled as Sam came tromping in through the open door. The young hunter had a look of irritation on his face, the cause of which was straddled across his back.

Gabriel.

The archangel sat on Sam's back with a cowboy hat on his head and a lollipop sticking out of the corner of his mouth. Before he could even say anything about it, Castiel beat him too it.

"Look at SLUT just getting home! And Gabriel! Sup guuuurl? Long time no see!" The angel chirped delightedly.

And just like that, Dean was half sober. All he really needed to do was get up, walk to the other side of the room, pick up his pistol and blow his brains out. Then he wouldn't have to deal with any of this bull shit. This sassy gay Cas he could probably, maybe, deal with. But Gabriel at the same time? Fuck no.

"Dean, what the fuck is going on?" Sam asked his sibling, his eyes narrowing in suspicion at Cas.

"Say hello to the result of that witch bitch's curse from this afternoon."

"Wait, that was it? The curse just made him flaming gay?"

"And sassy!" Gabriel added, appearing in front of Cas. He reached a hand out towards his head, intent on petting his hair.

"No Gabe, wait!" Dean warned, but it was too late. Gabriel's fingers brushed against the top of the younger angel's head. There was a soft crack that had the trickster pulling his hand back quickly, shaking it.

"Ouch. That stung a little."

"Oh great, now there's going to be another one." Groaned Dean, falling back onto the bed.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Asked Gabriel defensively, the tell-tale lisp sneaking into his voice already.

"Yeah Dean, what's going on?" Agreed Sam.

"He touched Cas. This curse thing spreads through touch, but only between angels it seems." Dean explained, running a hand over his face, "Balthazar said that half of Heaven is already gayed up."

"See, this is why we can't have nice things." Declared said angel, suddenly appearing in the corner of the room, surrounded by racks of clothing.

"The fuck is all that?" Sam asked, not quite sure what to make of the whole situation yet. He stepped back as a small person appeared in front of him and shoved a drink into his hands before disappearing again.

"The fuck is this?"

"Shut-up and drink it big boy!" Gabriel instructed as he went over and wrapped his arms around the large hunter.

"The fuck are you all about?" Sam shoved at the small angel with one hand, but since he was, well, an angel, it didn't work too well and Gabriel didn't even budge.

"Knock that off, silly." The archangel pulled and suddenly they were both sprawled on the bed that would have normally been designated Sam's, if he still slept that was. With a gleeful giggle, Gabriel set about manhandling Sam into a sitting position. Miraculously, the drink hadn't spilled a single drop through all the rough housing.

Dean watched all of this in silence, shaking his head the whole time. He was way past bothering asking any questions. Mostly cause he was afraid of the answers, but partly because his heavy buzz was back and making him all warm and tingly inside. A hand wrapped around his an instant before he was tugged to his feet. Nimble fingers easily pulled his over shirt from his body and it wasn't until he felt them tugging on the hem of his tee that he realized what exactly was going on.

"Whoa! No. I am not drunk enough for gay sex." He shouted, jumping over his bed and away from the prying hands.

"Sooooo, what? Are you saying you've had gay sex before?" Sam asked his brother. Dean gratefully noted that there wasn't any hint of sarcasm in his sibling's voice when he spoke. None the less, he was thoroughly embarrassed.

"What? No! Of course not!" He squeaked indignantly, jumping when Cas was in his personal space bubble again.

"As much as I'd love to know the truth of that, shirt. Off. Now." The blue eyed angel demanded, tugging at the shirt once more.

"Dude! I'm a big boy, I can take my own clothes off. Question is, why are my clothes coming off?"

"Um, hello? Balthazar is back with the clothes I want you to try. You can't very well do that if you already have clothes on, now can you? So off they go, I wanna see those big, strong muscles of yours!" After nothing more than a finger snap, Dean found himself stripped down to his boxer briefs. His cheeks flushed red as Cas dragged him over to where all the clothes were hanging.

"Ok, I thought this would be a good one to start with." Balthazar explained holding out a pile of clothes to Dean before addressing Castiel directly, "It's kinda his style, but a hell of a lot more fashionable than what he's got."

"That works." Cas agreed before spotting that Dean hadn't moved an inch apart from positioning the clothes in his hands in front of his crotch, "Oh it's not like no one in this room hasn't seen a man in their underwear before! Put those on already."

The elder hunter grumbled and made his way to the bathroom, where he could swear he heard a disappointed noise come from Castiel before he shut the door. Gingerly he put the clothes on and glanced in the mirror. He was minorly relieved that he didn't look like a total douchebag at least. Just kinda like one. Pausing with his hand on the door handle, cause he knew he'd be expected to come out sooner rather than later and he'd rather do that under his own power rather than with angelic assistance, he took a deep breath and turned it.

As he emerged he was greeted with hoots and a wolf whistle.

"Boy does he sure clean up nice." Balthazar commented, his eyes roaming up and down Dean's body, making him uncomfortable.

"All I did was change my clothes you dumb ass." He growled back.

"Well, you know what they say Dean, 'the clothes make the man', and damn, do they make you right now hot stuff." Cas said as he stepped up to the hunter, walking around him as he checked him out. Dean shifted uncomfortably, but didn't say anything about it.

Cas finished his inspection and turned back to Balthazar, "Ok Balthy, put a couple sets of clothes similar to this outfit aside to keep. Let's try something completely different now, shall we?"

"No. No more clothes trying on. I'm tired and drunk and I'm going back to bed."

"But Deeeeeeeeeeeeeanie!" Whined Cas, clinging to the front of Dean's tight shirt. He didn't miss how the angel's fingers purposefully pressed into his pecs before clutching at the cotton.

"Don't 'Deanie' me, Cas. Why the hell did you just call me 'Deanie' anyways. Wait, don't answer that, I really don't care." He grabbed at Cas' hands and tried to disengage them. Not that it was any use, seeing as angel and all that jazz. Dean slapped himself mentally, 'and all that jazz'? Maybe the gay curse did rub off on humans, and it just took longer to take effect… Nah.

With no other options, the hunter leveled his best death glare at the fruity angel, who stared right on back rather lustily.

"Enough with the eye sexing, get a room already!" Jeered Gabriel, drawing everyone's attention to where he was sitting. Jaws dropped at the sight that met them. Even Balthazar made a surprised sound.

Sam's hair was a mass of braids, bows and curls. He stared back with a resigned look of irritation on his face. With a sigh, he lifted what looked like a strawberry daiquiri to his lips and sipped it.

"Oh that's it, I'm done." Dean threw his hands up and walked over to his bed, making a point to ignore Gabriel and the soulless wonder. At the foot of the bed, turned and flopped himself down on the mattress before clenching his eyes shut. As an afterthought, he draped an arm over his eyes and tried willing himself to pass out.

"Party pooper." Pouted Cas. Dean could just imagine his pouty lips and his crossed arms, probably had his hip jutted out to the side too. He felt his own lips twirk up at that though and forced himself to school his face back into a displeased mask immediately.

"Oh let him be, it's not our problem if he's butt hurt over trying on a few clothes." Dean heard Balthazar tell the dark haired angel, "Here Cassie, I picked this up special, just for you. Now go on, put it on!"

There was the sound of rustling materials followed by a stifled gasp.

"Oh Balthy, you didn't!" Cas' voice was awe struck.

"Oh, but I did. Now change already! No, not out here, make a show of it will you!"

Quick, skipping steps headed away and were followed by what had to be the bathroom door closing.

"Dean."

He ignored it.

"Hey, Dean."

Still ignoring it.

"Dude, come on. I know you're not sleeping." Sam harassed from his bed.

"Lemme alone." Grunted Dean, rolling away from his little brother and onto his side. He found himself actually starting to drift to sleep, the alcohol he'd consumed finally starting to taper off, when something hit him square in the back. Shooting upright and turning at the same time, brought him around to see the epic bitchface on Sam's face.

"What?" Dean demanded of his younger sibling.

"What do you mean, what? I was trying to tell you something and you just blew me off." Sam bitched, leaning awkwardly to one side.

"You're drunk."

"Am not."

"You are too!"

"And you're not?" Sam suddenly retorted, making Dean's planned response useless and leaving him with his mouth hanging open. Gabriel slipped off Sam's bed, and leaning across the space between, put his hand under Dean's chin and pushed his mouth shut for him and leaped out of arm's reach before the hunter could even react.

Dean was on his feet and about ready to launch himself at the archangel when the bathroom door swung open. All eyes turned in that direction as Cas emerged. If anyone ever asked, Dean would deny that a noise resembling an awed gasp escaped his lips at the sight that met him. At least he wasn't the only one to react, hearing Sam let out a low whistle.

Cas came strutting swankily back into the room, stopping several feet in and striking a pose. He was clad in a fitted black suit with wide a wide pinstripe pattern. The jacket was unbuttoned, revealing a matching waist coat over a crisp, white shirt. A dark blue tie covered in a light blue paisley design was snugged up to its proper position around the angel's neck. His hair was even slicked back, and how he made it look appealing was a beyond Dean, but he did. Not that he was interested at all, since Cas was a dude and he was straight.

"Just look at this fabulous mother fucker!" Gabriel exclaimed, getting up and walking around his little brother, looking him up and down, "Boy, when'd you get so fine?"

"Oh stop it, Gabriel." Cas waved off the trickster bashfully, basking in the attention.

"What is that, Armani?" The archangel gestured to the suit.

"Top line Gucci, actually." Balthazar said, joining his brothers. He picked and fussed with the suit.

"Daum gurl!"

All through the angels' conversation, Dean just stared at the dark haired one without blinking. It was disturbing how Castiel looked like his normal self again, but at the same time, completely different. Maybe it was because he didn't have his ever present trench coat on. Or maybe it was the fact that he actually looked professional, like some big business CEO or something. Either way, the whole situation was an overall massive mind fuck.

"Hey! Earth to Dean!" A massive hand was flung in front of his face, making him startle hard. Sam was looking at him, irritation clearly written across his face.

"What?"

"Any ideas on how to fix this?"

"Fix what?" Dean finally focused all his attention on his brother before immediately refocusing on his own hands. There was no way he could look him in the face while his hair was all… Girly.

"Um, the gay angel problem. Seriously, it's getting ridiculous." Chided Sam with a scowl.

"You'd think that with being soulless and all you wouldn't care about people's sexual orientations." Returned Dean, tossing a quick glance past the soulless wonder at the angels. Sam just glared at him.

"Fine, whatever. Why don't we just wait and see if it wears off for starters?" He suggested logically.

"And what if it doesn't? Then what? We gotta consider all possibilities here." Argued Sam, bitchface going on full power.

"I don't know, we go to Bobby's then. But until we have a better idea of what's going on, I say leave it be. It's not like it's hurting anyone. Well, except maybe our dignity." Dean wearily scrubbed a hand over his face. He heard Sam sigh in resignment before standing up.

"I'm going to go do some research then." The soulless sasquatch proclaimed as he made his way to the door and left, his hair still done up in braids and bows.

"Where the fuck is he going?" Came Gabriel's voice from across the room.

"Said something about research, I don't know." Dean answered, allowing himself to fall back onto his bed.

"What. A. Douche."

"You go get that silly bitch Gabey!" Cas lisped encouragingly. There was a ruffle of feathers in the room, and when Dean glanced over, Gabriel was gone.

"Whelp, tonight was… Interesting and all guys, but I am more than ready to crash over here." Dean informed the two remaining angels.

"Here, let me tuck you in."

"Wait, what? No I-" Before Dean could properly register what was going on, his pants and shirt had disappeared from his body and he found himself already under the covers, "The fuck?"

"Shhhhhhh" A finger was pressed to his lips before the side of the mattress dipped down as Cas sat on the bed, "Let me sing you the song of my people to lull you sleep."

"Cas." Dean's tone was full of warning.

"Yes Dean?"

"Go the fuck away so I can sleep, otherwise I'll banish your little sassy gay feathered ass to Timbuktu." He threatened. Cas pouted at him for a solid thirty seconds before standing up with a loud 'hmpf'.

"Your loss then." And with a toss of his head, Castiel and Balthazar vanished from the room in a puff of glitter and rainbows.

Dean stared for a moment in shock, "I probably should have expected that."


End file.
